Why does dating someone 4 years older than me have to be sooo difficult sometimes. We'll never be on the same page, although I'm willing to understand what he is going through if he lets me, or wants to understand what I am going through.
ughh anyway love will find a way, right? I've never given my self whole-heartedly to anything like this before so maybe I'm just going about it in all the wrong ways? Who knows, I just wish things were easier and not so tearing of my heartstrings. ('heartsprings' by heiruspecs is a reaallly good jam)
Besides that the San Fran/Napa trip over memorial weekend was so nice. Which reminds me that my first post on here was from Memorial weekend last year, in Vegas. The Stinking Rose, Aces, The Grove, some random little hipster bar in an alley, Nikki and 'myself' sharing the same birthday as a bouncer at a bar hahaha, and wine tasting oh and not to mention karaoking. Mini vacay's are so nice, now I'm just ready for summer to begin. I'm also on a job hunt, I need some serious shit to start happenin over here amidst my fun-havings [I can't believe I even said that].
I'm too lazy to put shit on photobucket so I'll post some pics later, or something.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
My body aches.
Friday night I saw The Soloist, which really made me fall in love with Robert Downey Jr. His voice is so sexy, and not to mention the movie was pretty great.
On Saturday Dan, Tony and I woke up at 5:30 to meet up with their brother-in-law Leonard and drive up past Santa Barbara to the Gaviota Hot Springs. I believe the hike was about 3.2 miles up, (and I emphasize UP because it was all uphill, hence why my legs are sore as fuck). I really didn't think I was going to make it, but being with 3 men I had to suck it up.
The hike was really dope though, meadows of long grass, pretty sure I got some poison ivy on me, but whatev.
The top of the peak was the best part. There was a tin cylinder that I thought was just trash, but there were composition notebooks in there with pens. Flipping through the pages was hilarious, a lot of people wrote how awesome they felt to be at the top, and others wrote how stoned they were (cougar bongrips with illustrations was my favorite I wish I took a pic of it.) We ate some delicious sandwiches that Leonard made and just took in the view of the coast.
The way down was much easier and faster, then we made it to the Hot Springs, which were more luke warm but it felt nice.
It was pretty muddy but I loved it.
After the hike we scarfed down some pizza and met up with some other of Dan's cousins at the VHS club in Pasadena. Enjoyed a nice swim and jacuzzi action then pretty much after that I slept... after an In n Out burger of course.
It was an amazing Saturday even though it hurts to move and I have to go work soon. But it's ok, Just when I think life can't get any better, it does...[knock on wood].
On Saturday Dan, Tony and I woke up at 5:30 to meet up with their brother-in-law Leonard and drive up past Santa Barbara to the Gaviota Hot Springs. I believe the hike was about 3.2 miles up, (and I emphasize UP because it was all uphill, hence why my legs are sore as fuck). I really didn't think I was going to make it, but being with 3 men I had to suck it up.
The hike was really dope though, meadows of long grass, pretty sure I got some poison ivy on me, but whatev.
The top of the peak was the best part. There was a tin cylinder that I thought was just trash, but there were composition notebooks in there with pens. Flipping through the pages was hilarious, a lot of people wrote how awesome they felt to be at the top, and others wrote how stoned they were (cougar bongrips with illustrations was my favorite I wish I took a pic of it.) We ate some delicious sandwiches that Leonard made and just took in the view of the coast.
The way down was much easier and faster, then we made it to the Hot Springs, which were more luke warm but it felt nice.
It was pretty muddy but I loved it.
After the hike we scarfed down some pizza and met up with some other of Dan's cousins at the VHS club in Pasadena. Enjoyed a nice swim and jacuzzi action then pretty much after that I slept... after an In n Out burger of course.
It was an amazing Saturday even though it hurts to move and I have to go work soon. But it's ok, Just when I think life can't get any better, it does...[knock on wood].
Thursday, April 16, 2009
staring at the ceiling...
Words can't describe the deep zen/happiness I'm feeling right now.
Maybe it was the budlight I chugged in the car down to the OC before I had eaten dinner, or the Blue Moons I drank after dinner.
Maybe it's the fact that I'm now 20, and had a good 5 days of celebration, including renewing my Disneyland pass and eating a million churros last night.
Or the soft melodies of "Breathe" by Telepopmusik that came onto pandora just now.
Orrr maybe it's just the simple fact that I'm in love, and my tarot card reading said my life will be just as I plan it to be, maybe even better.
Fuck if I know, but I never want this feeling to leave my soul. Goodnight.
Maybe it was the budlight I chugged in the car down to the OC before I had eaten dinner, or the Blue Moons I drank after dinner.
Maybe it's the fact that I'm now 20, and had a good 5 days of celebration, including renewing my Disneyland pass and eating a million churros last night.
Or the soft melodies of "Breathe" by Telepopmusik that came onto pandora just now.
Orrr maybe it's just the simple fact that I'm in love, and my tarot card reading said my life will be just as I plan it to be, maybe even better.
Fuck if I know, but I never want this feeling to leave my soul. Goodnight.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
March madness.
I don't know anything about ncaa basketball so don't let the title fool you.
this month was crazy, but now it's over, we'll see where things go from here.. should be interesting. siiiigh. i joined twitter. it's kind of boring.
this month was crazy, but now it's over, we'll see where things go from here.. should be interesting. siiiigh. i joined twitter. it's kind of boring.
Monday, March 16, 2009
They only want you when you're 17.
Words cannot describe my crazy trip to Vegas. It was probably one of the best weekends of my life, top three for sure.
I've made it three weeks without Dan, and at this point it's starting to hit me. If I have another dream where he comes home I'm going to be pissed cuz it's teasing me. Ughhh only one more week, I can make it.
I've made it three weeks without Dan, and at this point it's starting to hit me. If I have another dream where he comes home I'm going to be pissed cuz it's teasing me. Ughhh only one more week, I can make it.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
let me down easy.
I've never been so disappointed in myself.
okokok let me elaborate. After going on a nice little jog* just now, I've had some time to clear my head and think about all of this.
The reason why I am so disappointed is because I couldn't pass english 1 at smc two semesters in a row. I struggled trying to get passing grades in high school so much that I thought I would really do better in 'college.' Well I went back to my evil ways and procrastinated and didn't give enough fucks, so now I'm paying the price for it. Smc says I am disqualified to sign up for spring semester because of my failing grades, so I applied to El Camino... the one place I swore I would never step foot on... (or is it in? whatever, anywaaays) I stressed out about it yesterday and yes even shed a few random tears (which Nikki made sure to embarass me about) But what is that going to do? I need to get my ass into gear and stop dicking around, I can't attend junior college all my life, and unfortunately I'm just realizing this now after a year. So yes, in conclusion I am going to TRY at school, because I know I can be smart, I JUST KNOW IT.
*By jog I mean a light sprint for a block then walking for about 3 blocks. I should also work on getting the mental strength of a runner because I can't run for shit. I need to get in shape so I'm going to start running a few times a week on the streets. Fuck the gym that shit's expensive I'm cancelling my membership today haha.
Oh Oh and another note, Dan said that his parents notice that I'm still kind of shy around them, which made me upset because I don't even know why I'm so shy around them, I usually get along with parents really well but for some reason they really intimidate me.... Just another thing on my list to work on I guess.
okokok let me elaborate. After going on a nice little jog* just now, I've had some time to clear my head and think about all of this.
The reason why I am so disappointed is because I couldn't pass english 1 at smc two semesters in a row. I struggled trying to get passing grades in high school so much that I thought I would really do better in 'college.' Well I went back to my evil ways and procrastinated and didn't give enough fucks, so now I'm paying the price for it. Smc says I am disqualified to sign up for spring semester because of my failing grades, so I applied to El Camino... the one place I swore I would never step foot on... (or is it in? whatever, anywaaays) I stressed out about it yesterday and yes even shed a few random tears (which Nikki made sure to embarass me about) But what is that going to do? I need to get my ass into gear and stop dicking around, I can't attend junior college all my life, and unfortunately I'm just realizing this now after a year. So yes, in conclusion I am going to TRY at school, because I know I can be smart, I JUST KNOW IT.
*By jog I mean a light sprint for a block then walking for about 3 blocks. I should also work on getting the mental strength of a runner because I can't run for shit. I need to get in shape so I'm going to start running a few times a week on the streets. Fuck the gym that shit's expensive I'm cancelling my membership today haha.
Oh Oh and another note, Dan said that his parents notice that I'm still kind of shy around them, which made me upset because I don't even know why I'm so shy around them, I usually get along with parents really well but for some reason they really intimidate me.... Just another thing on my list to work on I guess.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Goodbye
2008.
Tomorrow is new year's eve, where the haaalllleee did the year go?!?
let's recap.
January. Started off the new year with a bang, was hooking up with Jared (ewwww) and everything was cool de la.
February. Started SMC, quickly realized I was not ready for school haha. Jared and Lauren got together, we stopped being friends.
March. Nothing too exciting, just school and shiiit.
April. Turned 19, had a bday party, fun ensues.
May. Vegas for Nikki's bday (epic puke on the strip), ready for summer :) Met Richard, became bff's.
June. Summer loving, going out, beer pong, living it up and not giving a damn.
July. 4th of July was nice, same as june, still dgafing.
August. Started thinking about school, started seeing Dan (aka my dream come true haha).
September. School started, getting more serious with Dan (meeting his family and friends, etc..) mom turned 49.
October. Halloween!!
November. Struggeling to focus on school (mostly math), became a girlfriend.
December. Just came back from Christmas in Vegas!
I have to close tomorrow night, I'll probably be out by like 10:30 or 11, which sucks so hard I cannot even explain. Then I have to work at 11am on new years day, my job is fucking ridiculous sometimes. But I am quite excited to ring in the new year. It's always been my favorite 'holiday' or whatever you wanna call it. It's like starting with a clean slate. I've never made any resolutions but maybe I should this year. Maybe to stop being so repressed? That's pretty much the biggest realization I've had in 2008, that I hold too much in.. Anyhoo, see ya next year :)
Tomorrow is new year's eve, where the haaalllleee did the year go?!?
let's recap.
January. Started off the new year with a bang, was hooking up with Jared (ewwww) and everything was cool de la.
February. Started SMC, quickly realized I was not ready for school haha. Jared and Lauren got together, we stopped being friends.
March. Nothing too exciting, just school and shiiit.
April. Turned 19, had a bday party, fun ensues.
May. Vegas for Nikki's bday (epic puke on the strip), ready for summer :) Met Richard, became bff's.
June. Summer loving, going out, beer pong, living it up and not giving a damn.
July. 4th of July was nice, same as june, still dgafing.
August. Started thinking about school, started seeing Dan (aka my dream come true haha).
September. School started, getting more serious with Dan (meeting his family and friends, etc..) mom turned 49.
October. Halloween!!
November. Struggeling to focus on school (mostly math), became a girlfriend.
December. Just came back from Christmas in Vegas!
I have to close tomorrow night, I'll probably be out by like 10:30 or 11, which sucks so hard I cannot even explain. Then I have to work at 11am on new years day, my job is fucking ridiculous sometimes. But I am quite excited to ring in the new year. It's always been my favorite 'holiday' or whatever you wanna call it. It's like starting with a clean slate. I've never made any resolutions but maybe I should this year. Maybe to stop being so repressed? That's pretty much the biggest realization I've had in 2008, that I hold too much in.. Anyhoo, see ya next year :)
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