let me down easy.

I've never been so disappointed in myself.


okokok let me elaborate. After going on a nice little jog* just now, I've had some time to clear my head and think about all of this.
The reason why I am so disappointed is because I couldn't pass english 1 at smc two semesters in a row. I struggled trying to get passing grades in high school so much that I thought I would really do better in 'college.' Well I went back to my evil ways and procrastinated and didn't give enough fucks, so now I'm paying the price for it. Smc says I am disqualified to sign up for spring semester because of my failing grades, so I applied to El Camino... the one place I swore I would never step foot on... (or is it in? whatever, anywaaays) I stressed out about it yesterday and yes even shed a few random tears (which Nikki made sure to embarass me about) But what is that going to do? I need to get my ass into gear and stop dicking around, I can't attend junior college all my life, and unfortunately I'm just realizing this now after a year. So yes, in conclusion I am going to TRY at school, because I know I can be smart, I JUST KNOW IT.

*By jog I mean a light sprint for a block then walking for about 3 blocks. I should also work on getting the mental strength of a runner because I can't run for shit. I need to get in shape so I'm going to start running a few times a week on the streets. Fuck the gym that shit's expensive I'm cancelling my membership today haha.

Oh Oh and another note, Dan said that his parents notice that I'm still kind of shy around them, which made me upset because I don't even know why I'm so shy around them, I usually get along with parents really well but for some reason they really intimidate me.... Just another thing on my list to work on I guess.