Something Just Hit Me...

Like a ton of fucking bricks. [New Orleans update will be soon]

I look at blogs and read other peoples' articles and see other people's photographs and always think, "Damn they are soooo cool." I wish that it hadn't taken me this long to stop comparing myself to other people and taking in pride in what I do and who I am.

There's a lot of things that may have egged this on:
1) I feel like I'm in a fucking rut in community college. I fucked up, bad. And now I feel like I'm never going to get out.
2) I also feel like other people are better than me.
ex: I'm terribly shy and intimidated by most of the people in Dan's life.
He comes from a prominent family and everyone just seems so successful I'm
completely embarassed when I tell them I am in community college, thus me not
engaging in fruitful conversations for fear that I have nothing good to bring
to it... ANYWAY it bothers him and bothers me and I just feel inadequate.


Thinking of all this outloud has finally made me decide, FUCK THAT AND WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. I'm 20 years old I like to think that I have more coming and I will get there and hopefully make a big difference in THE WHOLE WORLD. [maybe just my world at least.] Also, I have friends, and Dan loves me so that should be enough people I try to impress, right? Whatever, I have no idead where this damn rant came from but I'm in some kind of emotional rut, maybe a quarter life crisis is happening who knows?

This is happening.

..... Can you guess what that means? Hahaha. I'm going to New Orleans on Thursday. Dan FINALLY realized he can't live without me and wants to make this work. Am I in over my head? SOOOO FAR OVER MY HEAD. But I don't care. Haters to the left. I love Dan and am willing to work out a long distance relationship. So is he, although it took him two gruesome weeks to figure it out. Unfortunately my beautiful digicam was stolen a month or so ago, so I will have to borrow some old one but I've never been so anxious I seriously broke out in hives. Seriously. On my arms and chest. I could also be stressing because I found out I'm doing TERRIBLE in History. But anyway. I'll be back from The Big Easy on Monday, until then......